Is it Friday yet?

Which of the below happened to me yesterday? Trust me when I tell you that it was more than one ... and it's because apparently I have one of those faces that say please oh please tell me things I don't want to know about you. 1. I asked an acquaintance how they were and was told that they would be better when their hemorrhoids went away.

2. A friend used "hoo haw" in a sentence referring to her Lady Town. You know who you are.

3. My dog ate every single ... morsel out of the kitty litter and then licked my face. I might never recover. Ever.

4. Someone ate the last rack of peanut butter cookies and left me the empty box. You know who you are.

Go ahead. Guess. And yes, sometimes it's hard to be me.