I Love Lucy Returns
Warning: this is going to be one of those stories where I get emails that say no way did you do that, but I’m sorry to say it’s all true. Every single word. A few years back we were taking Oldest to visit a few colleges up and down the coast. I was in the passenger seat, navigating for Alpha Man. Let me say that Me? Navigating? It’s an oxymoron. I can’t find my way out of a paper bag. But Alpha Man, who used to drive an ambulance at high speeds on the tough streets of Los Angeles, could be dropped into any city, take one look around, and instinctively figure out his way. It pisses me off.
But to be fair, I piss him off regularly, so we’re even.
ANYWAY, I had the map out (upside, if you can believe it, he had to reach across and flip it for me – which did not exactly start the trip off on the right foot if you can imagine). We were about two hours into the trip, and suddenly a HUGE spider (I SWEAR TO GOD) meanders his way down the middle of the map directly at me. Now several things happened spontaneously. First, it occurs to me, as I’m opening my mouth to scream bloody murder, that this spider has been literally in my lap for two hours.
Second, it’s big and butt ugly and I’m immediately freaked out beyond reason. Now here’s the part I’m not proud of. I actually threw the map at Alpha Man. Yes, the Alpha Man that was driving the car. I threw the map and the spider right at him.
That’s when the map got tangled up between the steering wheel and the windshield. You know, the thing he needed to see out of? But luckily he is much most poised than I am, and managed to not kill us all. Although he didn't speak to me for awhile … And since he refused to pull over and find the spider after that, I wasn't speaking to him either.
Luckily, the rest of the weekend came and went without further spider incident but when it came to the drive home, I was not the navigator. Just wanted to share that story in case you were having a bad week, you could see that it could be worse. You are welcome. :)
How about you? Any navigation stories to amuse us with?