A Day In The Life

7:05 a.m.Sit on couch, open laptop. There's a spider on the wall. Close laptop and go back to bed.

8:00 a.m. I'm back. Spider is gone. Not good news. Where did it go? Is it planning its attack? Can't possibly work while under siege. Go for hike.

10:02 a.m. Once again on couch with laptop. I spy spider on far wall above the wood stack by the wood stove. I write with one eye on the spider.

11:00 a.m. I wake up the lazy ass cat and try to get her to stalk and kill spider. She insists the chore is beneath her.

12:00 p.m. Lunch. Dessert. Come back to couch. Spider is on the move, and so am I. I run screaming from the room.

1:00 p.m. Alpha Man shows up for spider extraction. Spider can't be found. Bastard. Alpha Man leaves.

1:03 p.m. Spider is back. Alpha Man refuses to answer his phone.

1:05 p.m. Cookies do not help.

2:00 p.m. Back to typing on couch while watching spider make himself at home on wood pile. I'm pretty sure he's flipping me off.

2:30 p.m. Youngest comes home. Refuses to kill spider. Damn tree hugger.

3:00 p.m. Cat is suddenly interested in spider. She drops it to floor and then loses interest. Walks away. Spider comes toward me.

4:00 p.m. Still sitting outside, where I am now locked out. Note to self: next time you go screaming out the front door, make sure it's unlocked first.

5:00 p.m. Look in window and see Frat Boy eating spider. Good boy. Can you let mommy in please?

5:30 p.m. Alpha Man comes home with Taco Bell. I decide to forgive him.