Best Of

So it's Monday and I have a stomach bug. I think the two go together pretty well, don't you? Anyway, here's an I Love Lucy/Jill story from seven years ago today to entertain you while I'm gone: I locked myself out of the house. I’ve done this before, and given how disorganized and scatter brained I can be, no one should be surprised that I did it yet again.

But this time I had a problem. I’d left both dogs alone inside. Together, where they could have a pow-pow and eat things. Big things, like my manuscript. Or the cat. Plus, I hadn’t meant to go anywhere, I was only taking out the trash, so I was in my bunny slippers, shorts and tank. Hair wild. I could get in my car and drive to Alpha Man’s jobsite and get a house key but I’d scare his crew. I could drive to Oldest’s job and borrow her keys, but she’d kill me if I showed up looking like a homeless bag lady.

So I did the sensible thing. I climbed the tree to the second story, managed to get over the deck railing without dying, and . . . And found that I’d actually locked the sliding glass door to keep the raccoons out.

Damn, I hate when I’m efficient.

I pressed my face up against the glass and found Mountain Barbie and Ashes staring back at me. Mountain Barbie had one of my favorite flip-flops in her mouth. “Drop it!” I told her. She did, and then went and got the other one. I thunked my head on the glass. This was not going well. “Unlock the door,” I begged them.

No go. I think they were laughing, to be honest. I climbed back down, against without dying, and faced facts. I was going to have to get help. Cute Next Door Neighbor wasn’t home. Just as well, really, given my appearance. So I drove to 7 Eleven to get an ice cream. That helped a lot, and no one at 7 Eleven ever judges you when you’re looking a rough around the edges. The sugar burst reminded me that I had another deck I could try. There’s no tree close enough to that one, but Alpha Man had a ladder nearby, so I used that.

And found yet another locked door. Jeez, I was on top of things lately. With a sigh, I climbed down and leaned against the back door—

Which fell open. Just that easily, I was in.

I’d be really, really glad if it hadn’t made me drop my ice cream. I really hate it when that happens.