Best of

We had another bear last night. He wanted my leftovers so badly he was tearing the siding off the bear box where we keep our trash. The ONLY reason we were able to scare him off (and you should know, I use the term "we" very loosely) is because Alpha Man lit a firecracker near his ass. This was not difficult, as said ass was bigger than a bus. But I digress. I didn't get pictures of this because it was two in the morning and I was lying in bed listening to the popping of the firecrackers thinking Alpha Man is really just a little boy in disguise.

But again, I digress.

Anyway, these pictures are from a couple of years back. I was home alone with Ashes, who was outside. Suddenly she was barking herself hoarse, so I went to the front door and peek out. Ashes is at the base of the tree in my yard. And these little guys were clinging to the trunk, terrified:

I was thinking, aw how ADORABLE, when something came up behind Ashes. Something BIG.

Yeah. It was mama bear, and she was PISSED. And licking her chops while staring at Ashes. Can you say OH SHIT? I did, and more. I called Ashes, but she is single-minded, barking her head off at these babies, who are now crying for momma. I saw Ashes's life pass before my eyes. I was screaming for her, not daring to step outside the front door to go grab her, and FINALLY something in my terrified tone gave her a clue. Like, oh gee, maybe I should listen to my mom. And she turned around and came face to face with mama bear.

I wish I could have gotten THAT shot, her reaction, her oh shit I'm going to die right here right now reaction but honestly, I was a little freaked out by this point. Unbelievably, Ashes darted past Mama Bear, who ambled up to her babies, gathered them close, and led them off into the woods. But not before glancing back over her shoulder with a glare that said watch your back!

I'm still shaking. But not Alpha Man. Nope, he loaded up on some new firecrackers last week and is just waiting for an excuse to light them. And that right there, in a nutshell, is the difference between a man and a woman.